Chucky Cheese Paddles

To this day I can still remember quite vividly as a child sitting in my mom’s mini van, about to go a sleepover or party , and being told the consequences of not using “proper manners” to the adults present. To be clear “proper manners” means using ma’m and sir and referring to all adults as Mr. or Mrs. To be even more clear these consequences usually involved being hung upside down for a few days, stuck in a dark room with no food whatsoever for days on end or being spanked by a chucky cheese paddle (c’mon what kind of parent turns your paddle ball toy into a means for punishment when it is broken) No wonder I remember this so vividly. The fear of God was struck in me. Apparently Australian children do not get a similar talk from their parents. I just thought this was something every kid had to endure-like a coming of age necessity. In Australia, things are much more lax. Most kids here call the adults by their first names. Saying ma’m or sir can get you into some trouble because this is often viewed as a smart elic thing to say. I don’t even know the last name of some of my college professors because everyone just calls them by the first name. Needless to say, the first month here was tough. I was even told by the pastoral care worker that it’s ok that I slipped and used the word ma’m. It was if to say that she understood and was not offended. Ha! My pastor is refereed to as John. Not brother John, Mr. Haige, or even Mr. John. Nope. It’s John and sometimes Pastor John. It’s just a cultural difference that I have to get used to. To this day I still have trouble calling everyone by their first name but I’m getting better at it. I still have a mental image of my mom sneaking up behind me with a chucky cheese paddle-even if she’s actually thousands of miles away. Childhood scars.

I don’t think there’s anywhere else in the world where an elementary student asks the teacher for a rubber and the teacher never bats an eye. They do this all the time actually. Not saying ma’m and asking teachers for rubbers. Man oh man. I failed to mention that a rubber here is what we call erasers in America. However, it sill got me the first time I heard it and it took special effort to refrain from looking shocked or cracking a smile in the middle of teaching. I go into the schools on Mondays and teach third graders bible lessons during class time for an hour. The government allows you do that here so I thought I’d take advantage of the opportunity. I find this to be a neat experience but I’m completely out of my element. I am not destined to become a teacher as this experience has shown me. But I do alright I guess. I would have never dreamed that I would be sitting in a chair while a bunch of third graders gathered around me on the floor, anxiously awaiting what I’m going to say next. Must be the accent.

It’s spring here in Melbourne. I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I’m being robbed of my favorite season of the year; fall. The good thing about Melbourne is that it actually has 4 distinct seasons instead of the typical Texas seasons, kind of hot and hell (saying stolen from Stephen Jones). Each season here gets about 3 months of showtime. The bad thing about Melbourne is that in spring, the wind knocks you down if you are less than 100 pounds (45mph!) and birds try to poke your eyes out with their beaks. You’re having a bad day if you experience both of these simultaneously. Let me explain: In the span of 10 hours I was “dive bombed” by birds on two different occasions. They tried to take my head off. Quite alarmed I asked the locals to explain their strange behavior (Behavior of the birds this time, not the locals.) Apparently it is mating season for a particular bird called a magpie. The magpies are very territorial and if you happen to walk under their nests they try to poke your eyes out or at least get you with their beaks. My goodness even their birds here are dangerous! Aw spring, the season for warm weather, pretty flowers, blue skis and birds that try to poke your eyes out.

I finally got it! Difference between tea, dinner and supper: Read carefully. When someone says “come over and we’ll have tea together tonight” this means we are all going to eat a meal together at night. But if someone says “hey what would you like for supper later tonight?” then they are asking you what you would like for a late night snack. However, you know you hit the jackpot whenever they say “we’re going to give you dinner tonight!” because this means you’re going to get a very nice meal with many courses served. If somebody asks you over for breakfast this means you’re having…….breakfast.


~ I’m just joking about those aforementioned consequences. My mom would never do that! Well actually the chucky cheese paddle is completely true.