Crazy Aussies

Total months here: 4
Months to go: 8
Total Magpie attacks: 11
Total Jokes I didn't Get: 5


I have decided to devote this blog to some of the seemingy crazy things I’ve discovered about Australia. Things that will probably seem bizarre to an American but completely normal to an Australian. However, my disclaimer before delving into some of these absurdities is the fact that I think Australia is great and am in no way trying to “bag” (as Aussies say) Australian culture. I’m merly pointing out the differences and lightly poking fun of some of their craziness. I would expect nothing less of them to do the same to me. They’re doing a pretty good job at it.

First up is summer in Australia: I’m a little concerned about the upcoming summer here in Australia. Actually the word little is an understatement. Let me explain: In Texas, I’d say 90% of people have an air conditioner of some sort. In Australia only about 40% of people have air conditioner. Unfortunately, the house I live in isn’t in that lucky percent. This doesn’t mean Australia is any cooler in the summer than Texas. In fact, believe it or not, Australia is hotter. Melbourne got up to 117 last summer. And I can not figure out why, for the life of me, Australians don’t just go out and buy an air conditioner. Yet, they are quite environment friendly and many believe that an air conditioner would have a negative effect on the environment. I’ve noticed that instead of running the air conditioner in the car, the majority of Aussies will just open their window instead. But to be honest, when I’m in bed at night sweating my butt off in 110 degree weather the environment is the last thing on my mind. And that’s exactly how hot it gets inside. Karen, my host, said that last year it got up to 45 degree Celsius inside our house. This didn’t mean much to me when she said this number but I later converted the number and found that it is 113 degrees! Inside the house! 113 degrees! How do you not die? This is absolutely mind boggling to me and I have no idea how I will ever get through the heat of this summer. I’ve come to the conclusion that Aussies are either A.) Crazy or B.) Tough. My hosts told me, in an annoying nonchalant manner, that due to the heat there will just be nights that I won’t sleep because I can’t. Joy. In fact, the schools don’t even have air conditioner. It is a government rule in Australia that when it gets over 95 degrees inside the school they must let it out early for the health of the kids. I’m thinking snow days would be much more preferable.

During the summer at night many Aussies leave their windows and even doors open in hope of catching the tiniest amount of breeze to ease them into a semi sleep. As you can imagine, this brings up a new set of problems: robbers. It’s quite common in the summer months for robbers to come inside and take things. They aren’t being deterred in any sense because in Australia robbers can sue the house owner if the owner injures the robber in any way whatsoever. There have been many cases of this. My host has advised me to leave the house if a thief comes in because I could get in serious trouble if I injure him/her. I can’t even begin to describe how absolutely crazy this is. In Texas was have the castle Doctrine and robbers know they are risking their life when they unwelcomingly enter a home. I think I’ll take wearing gloves inside during winter or running from magpies in the spring anytime over some of the craziness that this summer will bring.

Answer this question- Hint: this is a place in Australia: Name the place where it’s extremely crowded with many people but you’re well advised to keep your head down, not look anybody in the eye and basically pretend that nobody around you exists. Small talk is not welcome and you might find trouble if you try to engage in it. If somebody bumps into you, you most likely won’t get an apology. This place has a high level of assaults and is known for common violence. People are more concerned with getting in, getting out and getting it over with. Where is this?
A.) Australia Prison
B.) Australian Train system
C.) Church


Well if you guessed church then you are wrong! It’s the Australian train system. I found it hard to deal with the first few times I had to use it. During rush hour it is so saturated with people that some literally can’t get on. Forget a seat. Getting on is an achievement. That is if you view success as being neck and neck with sweaty smelly people whose names you don’t even know. It was so weird to me at first how everyone associated with everyone else. Imagine a group of complete strangers elbow to elbow in such a small space for an extended period of time. How does one act? Well apparently the answer is to pretend that the person next to you doesn’t exist and keep to yourself. When I’m on the trains during rush hour I almost want to say “oh hello there! Now somebody forgot to brush their teeth this morning didn’t they? Well since you’re way past my space bubble I thought I’d let you know these things. In fact, you’re closer to me than anybody has gotten in a long while. Sir do you mind not singing out loud to your Liza Minelli song on your Ipod?.” It’s a bit scary too because there’s many incidents on the news where somebody got mugged, hit, slapped, harassed, etc on the train system. I must admit I’m quite proud of myself for a adjusting to this system. Being extremely close to all these people is an accomplishment for a small town girl like me. When in Rome….

I actually experienced a semi scary time on the train a few days ago. I have to take the train to college. I go to college from 9am until 10:30 pm on Tuesdays. It’s a long day and I’m exhausted by the time I get on the train to go home. I put on my ipod and tune out. Yet I begin to notice something that is rare on the train. Somebody talking to somebody else (I’m over exaggerating a bit). It didn’t take me long to realize a man trying to talk to anybody he could in an overly loud voice. There was something not quite right about him. He was being really loud and aggressively sought out people to talk to. People kept getting off at their stop and soon enough I was one of the only ones left on the train and the man had nobody else to talk to. Great. Soon after most the people left he turned to me and tried to get me to take off my headphones. Should I pretend to speak only Spanish? No que? Etas loco. No that wouldn’t work. I decided to do what I do best: I pretended I was in my own little world and was totally clueless (actually most the time I’m not pretending). It worked and he soon gave up. Great! Well except for the fact that he then started to rock back and forth and talk to himself in a very loud and angry voice. Since it was late at night and I still had to find a way home from the station in the dark by myself I was becoming worried. I ended up giving my hosts a call to come pick me up from the station. Even though they don’t seem to mind at all I hate putting them out too much. But I thought it was worth it this time.

Trees. Now you might be asking what can be so weird about a tree. Well it’s not so much the tree that’s strange but rather, it’s the arms that go around them. Better said, it’s the people that hug them that can be a bit on the bizarre side. And Australia seems to have a huge amount of so called ”tree huggers”. In Australia you can not cut down a tree. Simple as that. It doesn’t matter if that tree is on your land. You still can’t cut it down. It doesn’t matter if the tree in your yard is getting old and the loose branches are becoming a danger to your family. You can’t cut it down. In fact, there is a $20,000 reward for catching somebody who is cutting down a tree. Not to mention that there was only about a $1,000 reward for information leading to the capture of somebody who almost assaulted somebody to death. These people are serious about their trees. To be completely fair, there are ways that you can get a dangerous tree removed from your yard. You have to send in a request to the council and they have to decide if it is ok to cut down.

More:
~ Most parents here tell their kids to walk to school. They don’t drive them. It’s a pretty good thing I think because I rarely see any overweight kids. The kids don’t complain and the system seems to work out well. At 9:00 every morning there is a huge rush hour a kids walking by my house on there way to school.

~ People don’t eat out half as much as we do in America. Dinner at home with the family sitting around the table is commonplace. It’s no surprise because eating out is extremely expensive here. I was riding my bike the other day and came across a sign that said lunch special: $15. Ha!

~ People are crazy about their pets here. But rules for the pet owner are very strict. For one, you can’t walk your dog without carrying a “poop bag”. If you are caught without your bag then you are heavily fined. But who do they send to regulate this? The poop police? I just can’t imagine having that job. “Ma’m I just need to check if you have a certified poop bag. No this will just not do. I’m sorry.” In some areas they have a cat curfew. This means that your cat is required to be inside at a certain time in order to reduce newborn complaints about cats.

~ According to my observations there seems to be very few obese Australians. My theory is that A.) It’s too dang hot to eat B.) The temperature in the houses are more uncomfortable than the outside (either really hot or cold). Therefore many Aussies choose to be outside doing stuff than inside watching t.v and eating. That’s just my theory.