Crazy Aussies

Total months here: 4
Months to go: 8
Total Magpie attacks: 11
Total Jokes I didn't Get: 5


I have decided to devote this blog to some of the seemingy crazy things I’ve discovered about Australia. Things that will probably seem bizarre to an American but completely normal to an Australian. However, my disclaimer before delving into some of these absurdities is the fact that I think Australia is great and am in no way trying to “bag” (as Aussies say) Australian culture. I’m merly pointing out the differences and lightly poking fun of some of their craziness. I would expect nothing less of them to do the same to me. They’re doing a pretty good job at it.

First up is summer in Australia: I’m a little concerned about the upcoming summer here in Australia. Actually the word little is an understatement. Let me explain: In Texas, I’d say 90% of people have an air conditioner of some sort. In Australia only about 40% of people have air conditioner. Unfortunately, the house I live in isn’t in that lucky percent. This doesn’t mean Australia is any cooler in the summer than Texas. In fact, believe it or not, Australia is hotter. Melbourne got up to 117 last summer. And I can not figure out why, for the life of me, Australians don’t just go out and buy an air conditioner. Yet, they are quite environment friendly and many believe that an air conditioner would have a negative effect on the environment. I’ve noticed that instead of running the air conditioner in the car, the majority of Aussies will just open their window instead. But to be honest, when I’m in bed at night sweating my butt off in 110 degree weather the environment is the last thing on my mind. And that’s exactly how hot it gets inside. Karen, my host, said that last year it got up to 45 degree Celsius inside our house. This didn’t mean much to me when she said this number but I later converted the number and found that it is 113 degrees! Inside the house! 113 degrees! How do you not die? This is absolutely mind boggling to me and I have no idea how I will ever get through the heat of this summer. I’ve come to the conclusion that Aussies are either A.) Crazy or B.) Tough. My hosts told me, in an annoying nonchalant manner, that due to the heat there will just be nights that I won’t sleep because I can’t. Joy. In fact, the schools don’t even have air conditioner. It is a government rule in Australia that when it gets over 95 degrees inside the school they must let it out early for the health of the kids. I’m thinking snow days would be much more preferable.

During the summer at night many Aussies leave their windows and even doors open in hope of catching the tiniest amount of breeze to ease them into a semi sleep. As you can imagine, this brings up a new set of problems: robbers. It’s quite common in the summer months for robbers to come inside and take things. They aren’t being deterred in any sense because in Australia robbers can sue the house owner if the owner injures the robber in any way whatsoever. There have been many cases of this. My host has advised me to leave the house if a thief comes in because I could get in serious trouble if I injure him/her. I can’t even begin to describe how absolutely crazy this is. In Texas was have the castle Doctrine and robbers know they are risking their life when they unwelcomingly enter a home. I think I’ll take wearing gloves inside during winter or running from magpies in the spring anytime over some of the craziness that this summer will bring.

Answer this question- Hint: this is a place in Australia: Name the place where it’s extremely crowded with many people but you’re well advised to keep your head down, not look anybody in the eye and basically pretend that nobody around you exists. Small talk is not welcome and you might find trouble if you try to engage in it. If somebody bumps into you, you most likely won’t get an apology. This place has a high level of assaults and is known for common violence. People are more concerned with getting in, getting out and getting it over with. Where is this?
A.) Australia Prison
B.) Australian Train system
C.) Church


Well if you guessed church then you are wrong! It’s the Australian train system. I found it hard to deal with the first few times I had to use it. During rush hour it is so saturated with people that some literally can’t get on. Forget a seat. Getting on is an achievement. That is if you view success as being neck and neck with sweaty smelly people whose names you don’t even know. It was so weird to me at first how everyone associated with everyone else. Imagine a group of complete strangers elbow to elbow in such a small space for an extended period of time. How does one act? Well apparently the answer is to pretend that the person next to you doesn’t exist and keep to yourself. When I’m on the trains during rush hour I almost want to say “oh hello there! Now somebody forgot to brush their teeth this morning didn’t they? Well since you’re way past my space bubble I thought I’d let you know these things. In fact, you’re closer to me than anybody has gotten in a long while. Sir do you mind not singing out loud to your Liza Minelli song on your Ipod?.” It’s a bit scary too because there’s many incidents on the news where somebody got mugged, hit, slapped, harassed, etc on the train system. I must admit I’m quite proud of myself for a adjusting to this system. Being extremely close to all these people is an accomplishment for a small town girl like me. When in Rome….

I actually experienced a semi scary time on the train a few days ago. I have to take the train to college. I go to college from 9am until 10:30 pm on Tuesdays. It’s a long day and I’m exhausted by the time I get on the train to go home. I put on my ipod and tune out. Yet I begin to notice something that is rare on the train. Somebody talking to somebody else (I’m over exaggerating a bit). It didn’t take me long to realize a man trying to talk to anybody he could in an overly loud voice. There was something not quite right about him. He was being really loud and aggressively sought out people to talk to. People kept getting off at their stop and soon enough I was one of the only ones left on the train and the man had nobody else to talk to. Great. Soon after most the people left he turned to me and tried to get me to take off my headphones. Should I pretend to speak only Spanish? No que? Etas loco. No that wouldn’t work. I decided to do what I do best: I pretended I was in my own little world and was totally clueless (actually most the time I’m not pretending). It worked and he soon gave up. Great! Well except for the fact that he then started to rock back and forth and talk to himself in a very loud and angry voice. Since it was late at night and I still had to find a way home from the station in the dark by myself I was becoming worried. I ended up giving my hosts a call to come pick me up from the station. Even though they don’t seem to mind at all I hate putting them out too much. But I thought it was worth it this time.

Trees. Now you might be asking what can be so weird about a tree. Well it’s not so much the tree that’s strange but rather, it’s the arms that go around them. Better said, it’s the people that hug them that can be a bit on the bizarre side. And Australia seems to have a huge amount of so called ”tree huggers”. In Australia you can not cut down a tree. Simple as that. It doesn’t matter if that tree is on your land. You still can’t cut it down. It doesn’t matter if the tree in your yard is getting old and the loose branches are becoming a danger to your family. You can’t cut it down. In fact, there is a $20,000 reward for catching somebody who is cutting down a tree. Not to mention that there was only about a $1,000 reward for information leading to the capture of somebody who almost assaulted somebody to death. These people are serious about their trees. To be completely fair, there are ways that you can get a dangerous tree removed from your yard. You have to send in a request to the council and they have to decide if it is ok to cut down.

More:
~ Most parents here tell their kids to walk to school. They don’t drive them. It’s a pretty good thing I think because I rarely see any overweight kids. The kids don’t complain and the system seems to work out well. At 9:00 every morning there is a huge rush hour a kids walking by my house on there way to school.

~ People don’t eat out half as much as we do in America. Dinner at home with the family sitting around the table is commonplace. It’s no surprise because eating out is extremely expensive here. I was riding my bike the other day and came across a sign that said lunch special: $15. Ha!

~ People are crazy about their pets here. But rules for the pet owner are very strict. For one, you can’t walk your dog without carrying a “poop bag”. If you are caught without your bag then you are heavily fined. But who do they send to regulate this? The poop police? I just can’t imagine having that job. “Ma’m I just need to check if you have a certified poop bag. No this will just not do. I’m sorry.” In some areas they have a cat curfew. This means that your cat is required to be inside at a certain time in order to reduce newborn complaints about cats.

~ According to my observations there seems to be very few obese Australians. My theory is that A.) It’s too dang hot to eat B.) The temperature in the houses are more uncomfortable than the outside (either really hot or cold). Therefore many Aussies choose to be outside doing stuff than inside watching t.v and eating. That’s just my theory.

I can't think of anything to put here

So great news! Mamma’s coming in on the 8th of November and staying until the 24 of November. I’m really looking forward to it. Knowing her though she’ll bring her own helmet and a tennis racquet so she can be protected against magpies. Other great news! Stephens’s coming on the 25 of December. Yes I know that this is on Christmas day and almost all transport from the airport is shut down that day. But he’s the one who booked the tickets. I might just bike the 100 kilometers to the airport if I have to so he won’t be stuck at the airport alone all day on Christmas. Who can say they spent Christmas day biking to the airport on the free way, dodging cars just to reach an airport where they’ll willingly spend the whole night there singing along to the off pitch Christmas carols that come on over the speaker and drinking cheap machine made stale coffee ? But I’ve always said it isn’t the place but the company that’s important and in that case it will be the coolest Christmas ever. More great news! I get to come visit America on March 24 through April 14! Yes this has been a time of intense airline bookings but has ended in success.

Now the bad news. I actually removed this in my previous blog because I wanted to make sure it was completely out in the open before I reported it. So some of you might have gotten it before I removed it but for those who have not: my pastor, Pastor John will not continue with being the pastor at Beaumaris Baptist. He is a very kind man and will be missed. I’ve enjoyed his friendship during my time here and wish him the best. On April 2010 he will leave Beaumaris Baptist to follow wherever he’s called.

When reviewing this week I can’t think of anything else out of the ordinary that I can write about. This week was busy (won’t bore you with the details) but went about in typical fashion. My highlight was getting a free salmon sandwich from work, singing hymns with a few blind elderly people at the nursing home and telling a hopefully inspirational devotional to the basketball team that took a while to plan. The devotional started with the Joke: what did the fish say when he ran into a huge concrete wall? Dam! But I tied it into the fact that you can’t control what happens to you sometimes but you can control how you react. Then I told the story of Joseph in the bible and then had to relive some of my athletically lacking days by telling them the story of how I kept shooting the basketball in the other team’s goal. But at least I don’t call the referee the umpire like a lot of people here do!

Work has been going well. Except that my boss continues to get frustrated with me because I have so much trouble understanding him. He speaks very fast in an Asian accent and very low. He then walks away. I’m always left standing there with my dish towel trying to figure out what he wanted me to do. Was it sweep the floor? Shut the door? Close down the store? Stand on my head and sing? Well it wasn’t the last one because he looked at me funny when I did that. JK. Other than a few minor communication difficulties work has been going well.

It’s been rainy and cold here as usual in Melbourne. I’m wondering when it will begin to get warmer. A month has gone by and it seems like it hasn’t gotten any warmer. I’m beginning to wonder where they got the term “sunny Australia” and I hope that it will be warmer by the time my mom comes. The good thing about spring here is that most trees don’t lose their leaves and therefore don’t have to grow them back. So no pollen and no allergies! The big thing to do here in the spring is go to the Melbourne cup. It will be coming up soon very soon I think. It’s a series of horse races that are apparently so important that all of Australia shuts down for a day to see them. It’s a national holiday!

At least the Candle doesn’t have 3 ends

So this is bad. Really bad. I haven’t kept up with my blog for a while and in the words of Larry the Cable guy I apologize. I went through a mini homesick stage and then got incredibly busy. So I’ll try to recap everything that has happened. So here goes……

Two New Zealanders, an American and an Australian go on vacation. You might be waiting for the punch line but there is none. This is actually what we did. During school holidays all youth programs take a break. My college was also out for holidays so I had a good opportunity to go with my hosts, Barry and Karen who are New Zealanders, and my friend Kat, who is Australian as well as half Asian, around the countryside of Australia for a week. The mix of nationalities and backgrounds were amazing :) (Interesting fact: Kat, whose whole name is Katrina was born on September the 11th . Katrina. Sep. 11. Yes I give her a hard time.) We stayed in Tacoma, NSW for a few days and drove to Euchuca, Ballerete and finally back home to Beaumaris. Throughout the vacation I have found that there are a few essential rules one must know before partaking on an Australian adventure. I did not know these so I am bestowing my newfound wisdom on you just in case you ever find yourself in the incredibly exotic place know as Australia.

Rule number 1: Do not leave a perfectly dry and warm house to go camp out in the middle of a thunder and lightning storm. You will just return to that house 3 hours later soaking wet, injured and in a bad mood.
Rule Number 2: Waterproof tents are never waterproof
Rule Number 3: Never try to chase an Alpaca who is foaming at the mouth.
Rule Number 4: If one plans to go on a week long camping trip there is a 97.3% chance that a cold front will come in the form of heavy, never ending rain.
Rule Number 5: Wear sunscreen in Australia. It rained more than not on the trip but I somehow managed to get a tan. Think how that will be in the summer when it never rains and the sun always shines.
Rule Number 6: Kangaroos are not scared of cars! Drive slow.
Rule Number 8: When milking a cow do not stand directly behind it or it will pee on you.
Rule Number 7: Wear a helmet when you ride bikes. This isn’t so much to protect your head if you fall off your bike but to protect your head WHEN magpies attack you.


There is a story worth telling based on Rule number 7. One day during the vacation Katrina and I decided to ride bikes around the area. Five seconds after we left we were attacked by the most viscous magpie I have ever encountered. Do birds get rabies? Actually I’m not too sure if even rabies could explain this bird’s behavior. It first ran smack into my helmet with its beak and continued to chase me down the road. If someone was looking out their window at that time they would have seen a girl screaming bloody murder riding down the road and a rather large bird in hot pursuit. I tried to cover my eyes with my hand because I was told they go for your eyes. I continued to scream for my friend who was riding beside me as if I expected her to heroically dive off her bike and tackle the bird. Fortunately, it soon left me and went for her. One minute later we’re almost on the ground because we’re laughing so hard. I now understand why it’s illegal in Australia to not wear a bike helmet. Since being in Australia I’ve had to endure 9 or 10 magpie attacks. According to the locals these numbers are unusually high for one person. Go figure.
The other day I saw a dead magpie on the side of the road and I must admit that I was not moved to tears.
Other than being attacked by magpies I was able to partake in an assortment of good ol’ Australian fun. We visited an Alpaca farm, went wine tasting, milked cows on a friend’s farm, set up tents (but never actually camped out!), went in a gold mine, attempted to pan for gold, spotlighted for Kangaroos, went on a boat ride down the famous Marry river, went to heaps of random museums, played random Australian card games, visited a strawberry farm and paid $6 for a milkshake there. Part of the time during our journey we stayed at the house of Karen’s cousin where I joyfully cooked good ol’ Texas chili and told them they were eating ethnic food. Of course they liked it.

In other news I managed to get a job. Yes I know I’m already busy but here in a few weeks college will be out for a total of almost four months. I decided that I’ll replace the day that I usually go to college with a job. It will be only one day per week and since it will replace college day I shouldn’t be any busier than I already am. The only problem is that I actually got the job three weeks too soon and now for 3 weeks I’ll have a job and college. So if you have wondered why I haven’t posted in a while here’s your answer. I work at a restaurant and coffee shop called Geleontos in the mall by my house. It is the toughtest job I’ve ever had because for 7 straight hours I don’t sit, eat, drink and I get limited time to breath. All day long I serve coffee, make food, work the cash register, bus tables and take orders. Actually to be more accurate I spill coffee, mess up the food, make the cash register go crazy, knock over tables and mess up orders. Of course I’m exaggerating but find that if you can’t exaggerate and learn to laugh at yourself then life gets hard. I actually do ok for someone who’s never had a restaurant job before. In the words of my boss I’m a “fast learner, a hard worker, and have a way with people”. Ha! Oh well I’ll take it. He must have not seen me spill that coffee or trip that customer. The customers are patient because they love my accent! “Oh I’m so sorry ma’m I just spilt coffee all over you. I’ll get that cleaned right up for y’all. No sir I don’t think we serve “servias” here. Oh. A servia is a napkin? Um… yeah I’ll get that napkin for y’all then.” I’m learning now more than ever the differences between Australian and American terminology and accents. I have the toughest time taking their orders in a loud crowded place because I can’t understand what they are saying and if I do I sometimes don’t know what in the world they are talking about. But I’m learning and I think this job will serve to make my Australian experience even richer. I’ve only got 9 more months here and I want to make the most of this experience. It’s funny because the day I came in for training the only people on staff we’re Asians that spoke in very hard to understand English. They were the ones that were supposed to train me. I forgot to mention that training day was on a Saturday during holiday which was one of the busiest days. So all day during training I had to learn 1 million different things but had the added difficulty of understanding what I was being told. But all the workers were so patient with me and I’m thankful that they showed me great kindness.


Other than going on vacation, being attacked by magpies and getting a job I’ve managed to stay busy with other activities and projects such as painting the youth house (bright red, orange, green, blue, yellow), managing the boys basketball team, writing the church newsletter turning in my college essays, starting a youth bike riding group, growing the young girls bible study I do, visiting the nursing home, going to classes, helping out with band practice, planning my “sermon” for the youth church service, building relationships with the youth, making friends, working to promote a new youth study group, and becoming incredibly addicted to caffeine. Of course I also find time to relax, run, keep in touch with God and talk with a few back home. Although there are many I miss that I am not able to talk to. I can’t believe I’ve already been here for over 3 months now. It’s sad to think that in 9 months I’ll have to leave this place. I’ve already gotten comfortable here but can’t imagine how much harder it will be in 9 more months when I have to say bye. As always thanks for reading my blog. I’ll try to post more frequently so I don’t feel like I have to cram in everything.